Going to the doctor is, for a lot of us, the WORST. Not only do you have to be super vulnerable about your bodily functions — which can be awkward enough — but, usually, the safe sex reminders about birth control and STDs are super heteronormative. Plus, the constant bodily attention can leave a lot of trans and GNC people feeling dysphoric.
Navigating the healthcare world as a queer person can be tricky, which is why HERE asked aspiring healthcare professionals who have *been there* to share their advice for how to make trips to the doc work best for you. A little about this duo: Mia is enrolled in an accelerated nursing program and Maggie is taking pre-requisites for a future degree in occupational therapy. And one thing that they agree on is that their roles as future providers will be heavily influenced by their experiences as queer patients. “Now in our early 20’s, we have grown up navigating doctors’ visits and other healthcare experiences that were not always LGBTQ+ friendly, if we even ‘outed’ ourselves to our doctors at all,” says Mia. “In reflecting on some of these experiences, we’ve realized how important and rewarding, albeit difficult, advocating for your own care can be.”
Here are their tips for getting proper healthcare as a queer person.
Your body is YOURS (even when you’re in a doctor’s office).
"The first time I went to the gynecologist, I was 16 years old, and I had just started having sex with my first boyfriend. I was not out as a non-binary lesbian to my doctor or to myself, and it didn’t even occur to me that I could be anything other than a straight woman," Maggie said. "While she conducted the pap smear, the gynecologist made crude jokes about me having sex with my then-boyfriend, saying, 'I’m sure it feels better when it’s your boyfriend inside of you.' When she was done, she simply walked out of the examination room, leaving me there in the stirrups with no explanation. At that time, it felt like being a sexual person and receiving medical care were things that were happening to my body, not things I had any control over."
If your doctor is saying things like this to you, or making you feel like you have no autonomy over your own body, it's time to get a new doctor! No one should make you feel uncomfortable about your body, especially a healthcare professional who is supposed to be there to provide medical insight and answer any questions that you may have.
If you're in the market for a new doc, ask some queer friends who they go to and book a few appointments to see who you feel most comfortable with. You can also visit doctor review sites like ZocDoc to see what other patients have to say about a particular doctor.
Know that your queerness is valid, even when you're being put through heteronormative tests.
"For my many years as a tomboy-but-definitely-still-feminine young woman, I was frustrated with the invisibility of my queerness. The frequent example of this was being told I needed to take a pregnancy test before I could begin a new medication or receive a vaccination, regardless of whether I was having sex with people with penises," Mia said.
Most doctors give pregnancy tests to people with uteruses, and that can feel super invalidating, especially if you're not having (or interested in having) sex that could lead to pregnancy.
Mia also notes the flip side of this for queer people who are attracted to multiple genders—doctor visits can play into bi-erasure a lot. "Now, I read as a queer woman by appearance, and I experience frustration when conversations regarding my sexual health focus solely around my needs as a woman who has sex with people without penises (not necessarily ‘men’). Sometimes it feels like the visibility of my queerness has erased the reality that I am a queer woman who sometimes has sex with people with penises — who could get me pregnant!"
Say it with me: BI PEOPLE EXIST! And if your doctor doesn't think so, it's time to move on. A good doctor asks a lot of questions rather than making assumptions. If you notice that your doctor is all answers and no questions, they might not be a good fit for you.
Look for LGBTQ+ health centers.
Maggie says their healthcare woes shifted when they found the right providers. "I enrolled as a patient at a health center that specifically caters to LGBTQ+ people, where I’m treated with respect by the clinicians, and I see pamphlets and pictures all over the office of people who look like me or members of my queer family."
If you're looking for a local queer-friendly health center, check out the Center for Disease Control's (CDC) list of LGBTQ clinics organized by state and city.
Define the terms that you feel comfortable with.
Even LGBTQ-inclusive places are still learning. "Even in a place so welcoming, I still have a hard time explaining myself to my doctors," Maggie says. "It took me so long to even find the language to say that I am non-binary, that I still align with womanhood in some ways, that 'lesbian' is an important term for me, that I like they/them and she/her pronouns; how can I find a way to share these things in a 20-minute appointment? No matter what, I can’t let that stop me from trying. The more I talk to my doctors about who I am and how I live my life, the more I feel like I’m in control of my body and my healthcare."
And being in control means getting important help and advice for things your doctors might not think to bring up.
"While sometimes it can be really frustrating to have to 'educate' your doctor, explaining the ways that you live and asking questions can help you advocate for your own care," Mia told HERE. "What does being trans/non-binary mean for you? When you talk to your doctor about having sex with your partner(s), what kind of activities are you talking about? Are there things that you do that your doctor might not think to ask you about, like binding your chest? The more that you vocalize these things with your doctor, the better equipped you are to ask for what you need and receive the information and care that you deserve," said Maggie.
Hopefully, your vulnerability will make life a lot easier for younger queer people.
"We both like to think that the information we share about our queer identities and bodies can have an impact on our doctors — potentially changing the way they will interact with future queer patients," Mia said. "More and more LGBTQ+ people are pursuing the healthcare profession (you’ve just read about the personal experiences of two!), and this means we have a real opportunity to make change as queer patients and queer providers. Sometimes it can feel slow-moving, but conversations around adequate healthcare for all queer patients are finally beginning to get the attention they need," said Maggie.
Not all queer patients have the same difficulties—so you need to know your resources.
"There can be many barriers to connecting to LGBTQ+ specific healthcare (including gender-affirming surgeries and treatments for trans and non-binary people, HIV preventative care and treatment, and mental healthcare access), and these difficulties can be especially pronounced for communities that are primarily POC, low-income, and/or geographically rural," Maggie said. "The CDC has created a resource page with statistics, links, and other information on their campaigns to close the gap on LGBTQ+ health disparities. The CDC even recommends Fenway Health, the LGBTQ+ health center that Maggie describes above," Mia explained.
In addition, there are excellent websites that you can access to learn more about LGBTQ+ specific healthcare options, such as:
- GenderConfirmation.com: a site with tips, medical information, and ways to find legal advice for people wanting gender-affirming surgery (for example, they have a list of insurers will offer coverage for top surgery)
- TalkSpace.com: a resource for accessible, online therapy where you can select a therapist who feels right for you
- PsychologyToday.com: includes a comprehensive list of mental health professionals in your area. You can search by geographic location, speciality (such as experience working with LGBTQ+ patients), and what type of insurance they accept
Mia and Maggie co-host a podcast on all things LGBTQ+, from chosen family to bad gay movies you need to (shamelessly) watch. Listen to it here.
