What’s the Difference Between A Girl Crush and a Real Crush?

Is it "okay" if I feel emotionally closer to my best friends than anyone I've ever kissed? What does it mean if I get jealous when my BFF has other BFFs? Does it mean anything if I idolize this totally beautiful, older girl at my school and check her Instagram constantly?

Is there actually a difference between friendship, romantic love, and idolization?

These questions can be absolutely consuming. However, you should know that if these questions keep you up at night you're definitely not alone and it is completely okay to have confusing feelings towards the strong women in your life.

That’s why I asked over 500 girls around the world about their experiences with girl crushes.

Here are some of the many responses I got...

“My first girl crush was on a girl in my dance class much older than me. She was beautiful, mysterious, had long blonde hair, and could occupy space in a way I’d never seen anyone else do before. I wanted to be her, but also totally wanted to be with her. There was such a thin line between these two feelings, but it really opened my eyes to the complexity of my sexuality and I am thankful for that.” —Chloe, 23

“I don’t really have any girl crushes at school at the moment, but am totally obsessed with YouTubers and sometimes I think that it’s a little unhealthy. I’m not sure if this makes me straight or gay, but I think about my sexuality a lot more because of it.” —Molly, 21

“I personally hate when people talk about girl crushes at school because I think as someone who likes girls, girl crushes seems to belittle my true feelings. Girl crushes are real crushes like any other crushes! Is it internalized homophobia that is stopping us from seeing this?” —Allegra, 14

“At a very liberal college, I developed girl crushes on girls I never would have thought of being attracted to previously. I began to question whether I admired or had a crush on a girl because they were beautiful and intelligent, or because I was sexually attracted to them. I developed crushes on girls who I was friends with first, then found myself wondering if I had feelings deeper than friendship. I found myself crushing on girls who looked more androgynous, which I suppose made sense, since I had always considered myself 'straight.' Now, I'm not sure I would classify myself as such.” —Morgan, 22

“I went to an all girls Catholic high school, so having a girl crush certainly wasn't ideal. It actually wasn't until senior year in college when I felt comfortable enough to act on any girl crush feelings.” —Ariel, 23

“One of my two girl crushes growing up was with older teacher that taught at my high school. I admired her in a way that would never be reciprocated. After a week of traveling together, I was convinced that I was infatuated with her in a way that I would never be with anyone else. It wasn’t until senior year where we started texting and snapchatting on a daily basis. This obviously is never really appropriate for teachers and students, but because the school was so small it seemed totally normal at the time. My admiration for her became stronger as texting increased; especially when she told me her and her girlfriend of 5 years had ended. Weeks later, she started telling me she had feelings for me and our friendship turned into something much more emotional, mental, and physical." —Sarah, 24

"Even though the age difference was not drastic, my first 'girl crush' at the age of six was Britney Spears. Later on, Britney was replaced by Avril Lavigne and whoever happened to be on Disney Channel (e.g. Hillary Duff or Raven Symone and later on Miley Cyrus). As I got older, the lives of celebrities became less and less appealing, so I started incorporating more realistic role models into my life such as my aunt and third-grade teacher; whom I thought were both so intelligent and responsible." —Madison, 22

“My first girl crush was in 7th grade. It was my first year in America and her name is Meghan. She was in my class, Puerto Rican, and had long curly hair that she usually wore in a low ponytail under a snap-back. She was a 'tomboy,' I guess, and one day she wore orange skinny jeans. A week later, I got the same pair. It was the first time I ever went anywhere with someone after school in New York and the first time I rode the subway without my family! I felt SO FREE.” —Karen, 22

“Beyonce will always be my girl crush because she stands up for women’s rights and has a curvier figure and isn’t afraid to flaunt it. I really admire her strength.” —Rebecca, 21

“I always admired the girls who were in levels above me in gymnastics and dance, and although I’m straight, I’ve always had a thing for Beyonce.” —Amy, 21

“Now I realize that all of my ‘girl crushes’ were literally just real crushes since I’m gay AF. I realize now that a few of my best friends growing up were really more like my girlfriends and we acted like we were in relationships. As it turns out, my earliest childhood best friend is also queer. The ones that really got me though were my crushes on my teachers, especially in high school." —Tess, 23

"I was such a sucker for my English teachers because they were all wickedly smart women who were creative, kind, and seemed so sure of themselves. I mean, how could I not fall in love with my English teacher while she read us Shakespeare sonnets out loud before we discussed them? So dreamy.” —Sandra, 20

“I had mainly a lot of girl crushes of my own age. It was a mix of me thinking they were really pretty and wanting to be them. I also had some older women I admired, probably all young teachers and young women. In my eyes, they were all incredibly mature and very beautiful and incapable of any fault." —Ali, 23

“I was six years old when I had my first girl crush, but I didn't understand it. Every day the bell for recess would ring, and my classmates would spill out of the classroom, eager to play kickball or with the chalk. I was usually participating in the games, but found myself excusing myself from the activity to watch the third graders come out to play. I was waiting for the tall girl with dark hair and light blue eyes to make her way across the asphalt. I stared at her, then retreat back to my friends. This was a routine for me: Play, watch the pretty girl, then go back to playing. When I finally came out to my parents years later, I told my mom, 'There's a girl that I stare at a lot.' She dismissed it with the typical, 'That's nice, dear, why dont you play with her?' And my dad told me, 'Your brain isn't fully developed! You can't make a romantic connection like that--the brain chemistry doesn't work that way!' I pondered the logic. Some of it made sense, I guess. I almost doubted my sexuality for a while. But as time progressed, I knew that even though I was six, and even though I didn't fully understand the concept of a girl crush, I KNEW that there was a riveting aspect of the girl with dark hair and blue eyes and there was a reason I excused myself from my games and only drew fantastical pictures of me rescuing her in my journals. It further proves how mysterious yet natural sexuality is. After all, we're all human, and feelings towards another human, no matter what their gender identity is, is normal.” —Leah, 21