Ending a relationship can be complicated and messy, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. While some insist it’s best to end things in-person, sometimes a break-up text is the best route for you and your situation. You might want to call it quits on a casual situationship, or, you didn’t feel a spark on the first date and want to go your separate ways without ghosting. Maybe you don’t feel comfortable having the conversation face-to-face, and it’s stressing you out too much. Or, you might just know you’ll be better at expressing what you want to say if you can type it out.
“If for some reason it feels unsafe to break up with someone in person, then it may be not just an acceptable, but necessary approach,” Dr. Stephanie Freitag, licensed clinical psychologist, says about breaking up via text. “[Or] perhaps you have only been dating for a short period of time, and a phone call seems too significant. Some people can also better articulate their initial thoughts over text.”
Sometimes a text is the best option, but if you’ve been with this person for a while, you may want to consider ending the relationship face-to-face (whether IRL or via FaceTime) or giving them a call. Keep in mind that texts can easily be misconstrued and feel impersonal, especially with something as sensitive as a break-up. Talking through the feelings can be beneficial for both of you, Dr. Christie Kederian, LMFT, relationship therapist and dating coach, says.
Regardless of how you decide to end things, and whether you want to end a casual fling, need to tell someone you’re no longer interested after a couple of dates, or are ending a longer relationship, Dr. Freitag recommends being direct and mindful of that person’s feelings. “If the other person is looking for clarity and you feel safe in doing so, there [is] nothing wrong with being honest,” she explains. “It can be way more hurtful to not be clear if you are trying to avoid hurting their feelings, because no matter what, the person is going to feel hurt. But closure can help people move on.”
If you’re ready to end things via text but aren’t sure how to phrase the message, there are many ways to do it with honesty and tact. Below, find expert suggestions from Dr. Freitag and Dr. Kederian for wording a break-up text for any scenario or situationship.
When attempts at breaking up IRL aren’t working
“I’ve tried to communicate with you in person [or over FaceTime] that this relationship is no longer working out for me. I feel like I’m not being understood or respected, so I decided to reach out here to let you know that I cannot be with you anymore and I wish you the best. I hope you can understand.”
When you’ve been on a few casual dates, but don’t think they’re the one for you
“Thank you for dinner and mini-golf, but I’ve been reflecting on our time together and I realized that we don’t have too much in common and may not be compatible. I wish you the best!”
When you’ve hung out, but don’t think you two are on the same page
“I’ve enjoyed our time together, but I think we may be looking for different things and I think it’s best that we go our separate ways.”
When you’re booked and busy and know you can’t prioritize a relationship at the moment
“I’ve enjoyed getting to know you over the past few weeks, but I’m really busy with school and college applications [or insert other activity], and I don’t think I have time to focus on a relationship right now.”
When you’ve been with this person for a while, but feel like the relationship has run its course
“I hope you don’t think I’m making this decision lightly, but I think we should break up. I’ve been thinking about this a lot, and I don’t think we’re on the same paths. I think it’d be better if we went our separate ways, and I hope you can understand.”
When you think you two would be better off as friends
“While I’ve had fun hanging out and really like you as a person, I think we are better off as friends.”
When the sparks didn’t fly on the first date, but the other person keeps asking to hang out
“It was nice meeting you, but I’m not interested in a second date. Thank you for understanding.”
When you’ve been seeing each other for a few months, but don’t see the relationship going anywhere
“I care about you and I wish I didn’t have to do this over text, but I’m not sure there is a spark between us anymore. I hope you understand.”
When you find yourself cringing at some of the things they say
“It was nice meeting you, but I’ve realized that as we’ve hung out more, we don’t really have the same values. I just don’t see this working.”
When you get the vibe that they’re just looking for something casual
“It’s been great getting to know you, but I’m looking for something more serious right now.”
When you just don’t feel like you two are clicking anymore
“Hey, I don’t think this is working out anymore and I feel like we’re drifting apart. I hope you understand and find someone who can make you happy.”
When I'm not holed up in my room going on a completely unproductive Netflix binge or Tumblr stalking Timothée Chalomet, I'm searching for awesome celeb news stories that Seventeen readers will love!
Leah Campano is an Associate Editor at Seventeen, where she covers pop culture, entertainment news, health, and politics. On the weekends, you can probably find her watching marathons of vintage Real Housewives episodes or searching for New York City’s best almond croissants.
