We’ll say it: dating is hard! Young love doesn’t come with a manual, and rom-coms only go so far in schooling us on the ins and outs of navigating love. IRL, relationships are all about give and take. Communication, respect, and trust are crucial, and both partners have to work together to keep the connection happy, healthy, and thriving. While all couples experience ups and downs (this is normal!), it’s important to check in and discuss how you can better support each other.
If you just started dating someone and feel a little lost, that’s completely OK. Whether it’s a situationship that developed into a relationship, or a flirtation that blossomed into first love, it can be confusing to understand exactly how to be a good partner at first. Every couple is different, and your friends’ relationships might look different compared to yours. But at the end of the day, it’s most important that you and your partner are honest, open, and respectful of each other. For more advice, we’ve outlined some tips on how to be a good girlfriend to your partner below.
Don’t read their text messages or snoop behind their back.
Trust is the foundation of a good relationship, and going all secret agent on your partner will betray that connection. Boundaries are super important, and you wouldn’t like it if they read your messages, would you? If you’re worried or concerned about something, it’s best to have an open, honest conversation with your partner.
Do make time to discuss any concerns or uncomfy feelings.
That being said, ask yourself why you have the urge to read their messages. If you think your partner is being dishonest about something, again, talk to them about it. Tell them how you feel instead of immediately assuming the worst. Lack of communication is a relationship killer, and talking and listening to each other will be better for everyone in the end. If they can’t respect and listen to your concerns, it might be time to reevaluate the relationship.
Do make friends with their friends.
You shouldn’t immediately try to turn their pals into your new besties, but it’s important to make an effort and get to know the people your partner cares about. Don’t psych yourself out trying to impress them; you’re amazing and you don’t need to force a friendship with anyone. Treat them like you would any new friends by keeping an open mind and asking genuine questions about their lives.
Don’t forget to give each other space.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, and time apart gives both of you an emotional rest. Yes, when you first start dating someone you want to see them all the time. But it’s so important to make plans with your own friends one-on-one and maintain those friendships. Your friends love you and your partner as a couple, but they love you as an individual first and want to cherish that relationship, too. Plus, you’ll have some fun stories to tell your S.O. later.
Do compliment them on things other than physical appearance.
Yes, it’s important to tell your S.O. when they look 🔥. Show them that your attraction hasn’t faded (and expect them to return the favor). But don’t forget the achievements, hard work, and characteristics that make them shine, too. Maybe your partner accomplished something they’ve been working on forever, or that took a lot of inner strength and vulnerability. Acknowledge their hard work and point out how you see them thriving! Supporting each other’s goals is a huge part of a healthy relationship.
Don’t try to shower each other with expensive gifts.
Love isn’t about buying gifts to show off on the ’gram. Setting a standard with expensive date nights can make you both feel pressured to spend money that you should be saving for life after graduation. Talk about what you both want and go from there — this will help avoid any misunderstandings in the future.
Do find simple ways to show you care.
Instead of getting caught up on gifts, show that you care with simple ideas straight from the heart. Surprise them with pizza the night their favorite show comes back on Netflix, or plan a Saturday morning walk and homemade brunch together. Surprising one another with small, unexpected gestures like this show that you are listening and thinking about what makes each other happy.
Do show up for each other.
This isn’t a Fifth Harmony song and you both gotta do the work, work, work. We meant it when we said relationships are hard, and sometimes being a good girlfriend means doing some things you don’t *always* want to do. For example, having tough conversations instead of letting storms brew, or agreeing to have burgers for lunch instead of pizza since you picked the last time.
Again, relationships are all about compromise. So this doesn’t mean you should repeatedly sacrifice your interests or plans to make them happy — there needs to be a balance and healthy exchange of wants and needs between you two.
Don’t make the relationship all about them.
On that same note, you want to be a good girlfriend, but you deserve to have them be a good partner in return. Yes, you should put in the work to care for their needs and make them happy — but, you gotta take care of yourself, too. Otherwise, you are going to burn out and become resentful of your S.O. You have to be equals in the relationship. If they can’t respect that (or you, for the matter), it might be time to cue up your Beyoncé playlist and put all their stuff in a box to the left.
