You can’t stop thinking about them, you blush every time they talk to you, you’re fantasizing about your future together... what you have is a crush. Once you’ve admitted to that, you may want to stop crushing from afar and let them know how you feel. Telling someone you like them can be an exciting but — let’s be real — also terrifying experience, and tbh, it is not always easy. What do you say? How do you approach the conversation? What if they reject you?
It might feel scary and overwhelming, but if you’re ready to let your feelings be known, there are few ways of letting your crush know that you’re into them. Below, Maria Sullivan, dating expert and vice president of Dating.com, shares advice for how to tell someone you like them in the least awkward way possible. Below are pro tips for making this confession as effortless as can be — and hey, maybe the next time you’re back here will be for first date ideas.
Drop a few hints
If you’re feeling extra nervous about revealing your feelings, try hinting at your crush that you’re into them and see how they respond. Make eye contact when you’re talking to them, or hold their gaze for a couple of extra seconds when your eyes meet in the hallway. You could playfully tease them, or send a flirty text after school to let them know you’re thinking about them. “It can help diffuse any associated pressure and motivate your crush to consider a relationship with you,” Sullivan explains.
Give yourself a deadline
Hold yourself accountable, Sullivan suggests. Setting a deadline for yourself to talk to your crush will do just that. Sometimes, your nerves can get the best of you and you might push it off for way too long. If that’s the case, try to pick a date on your calendar and set that personal deadline to share your feelings with them. The longer you wait, the more time you may give yourself to overthink the situation.
Practice what you want to say
A little preparation never hurts, right? It might feel strange, but thinking about what you want to say and even rehearsing it a bit in your head, could alleviate some pressure when it comes time to disclose your feelings. If you prefer taking pen to paper, try writing your thoughts out in a journal or on your phone. Practicing can help you say what you want when you’re feeling extra nervous.
Give them space to communicate their feelings
When you’re sharing your feelings, don’t make them feel like they have to respond. And don’t freak out if they don’t reciprocate right away. Your crush could respond right away, or they may need some time to think their own feelings through.
“Be mindful that the person you are telling has an obligation to their own feelings,” Sullivan explains. “Set up the conversation in a way where they knows they have the choice to do what’s right for them as well.” You might even say, “I’m not expecting you to say anything back, I just wanted to let you know how I feel.” Or, you might share your feelings and then give them space to digest what you’ve said.
Do what feels comfortable for you
You’re probably thinking about how you don’t want to make your crush feel weird, but it’s important that you’re comfortable, too. So when deciding how to let your crush know how you feel, do it in a way that feels right to you. If you prefer communicating your feelings over text, do that.
“Declaring your feelings via text can remove any immediate shock from the situation, making it easier for the recipient to provide a meaningful response,” she says. “There is no single right way to go about telling someone how you feel."
If you’d rather write them a text or send them a snap, then go that route. Just keep in mind that it’s easier to make sure things are taken the way you intend (or to know if they aren’t) when you communicate in person.
Pick a comfortable location
If you do decide to tell your crush how you feel IRL, make sure you get the location right. You may not want to confess your feelings in a crowded coffee shop, or blurt it out in the hallway between class. Consider where you feel most at ease — maybe on a walk on the beach, at the park, or in a slightly less-crowded space — and ask if you two can chat there. A private or semi-private setting can provide the space for an open, honest conversation.
Be yourself!
Don’t try to act different from who you are because you think your crush will you receive you better. If that’s the case, then they are probably not the right person for you anyway. Nerves are of course normal, but try to keep calm and remain true to who you are — it’s the best way to establish a meaningful connection with someone.
“No one is born an expert at this,” Sullivan says. “Even the most seasoned daters have to brace themselves for the potential of rejection.”
Consider how you would feel if you didn’t tell them
Sullivan refers to this tactic as testing the “do nothing” scenario to evaluate if you should even confess your feelings to your crush. Consider how you’d feel if your crush moved away and never find out how you felt about them, Sullivan says. “Does the missed opportunity upset you? If so, you are likely already too invested not to find out what could be,” Sullivan shares. Even though getting rejected by your crush may feel like the end of the world right now, you may decide it’s better to know than to have wasted months (or years) that you could’ve either been dating or moving on.
Talk to your friends
There’s nothing that a pep talk from your bestie cannot fix — especially if you are feeling unsure of yourself or how you really feel. Before you declare your feelings for the crush, talking it out with your friends can help. Do you really like this person, or do you like the idea of this person, meaning you’re more drawn to the prospect of being in a relationship than you are to establishing a meaningful connection with this specific person?
It almost always helps to talk your feelings out with someone, and if they have been in a similar situation before, they can offer some great advice. Your close friends know you better than most, and can provide just the clarity or confidence boost you need.
Fake it
If you don’t feel super confident, fake it. Smile and try to stay calm. Acting confident can help you feel more confident. “Whether you make the move online or offline, smiling can trick your brain into lowering your heart rate, reducing stress, and boosting your mood,” Sullivan shares.
Look at the big picture
The thought of your crush admitting they don’t feel the same way about you can feel pretty awful. But also remember that it is not the end of the world if you face rejection or indifference. It happens to almost everyone, and you will get over it. It might even help to remind yourself that if your crush doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, it’s better to know rather than waste anymore time lusting after someone who doesn’t feel the same way.
And remember: Whether or not your crush likes you doesn’t determine your worth. You have so many other people in your life who love and appreciate you. “Try to see the big picture and scale the problem down to actual size,” Sullivan says. You have your besties, your family, dog, cat... there are so many companions to love and be loved by.
Yerin Kim is the Assistant Editor for Snapchat Discover at Seventeen, covering beauty, sex & health, lifestyle, and entertainment. Originally from New Jersey but raised in Seoul, she is a proud Syracuse grad who loves fluffy puppies and a good Instagram opp. Follow her on Twitter and Instagram!
Leah Campano is an Associate Editor at Seventeen, where she covers pop culture, entertainment news, health, and politics. On the weekends, you can probably find her watching marathons of vintage Real Housewives episodes or searching for New York City’s best almond croissants.
