Whether you’ve been broken up for five days or five months, dreaming about an ex can bring up all sorts of confusing feelings. As soon as you open your eyes, you can’t help but wonder what their presence in your dreams mean. It may seem that your subconscious self is sending a message, which can cause you to start spiraling and questioning if this means that you want your ex back or if you made a mistake by calling it quits.
Breakups (amicable or not) are tough. You don’t want too many reminders of an ex — especially when you’re trying to catch up on much-needed zzz’s. But dreaming about an old S.O. doesn’t necessarily mean that you secretly hope to be with them.
“Dreams are the collective thoughts we experience visually while we sleep. According to the neurocognitive theory of dreaming, your dreams are based on your ongoing preoccupations — what flits through your mind throughout the day,” Dr. Lauren Kerwin, licensed clinical psychologist, explains. “This means that not all dreams are particularly meaningful.”
While some dreams might actually be related to your ex and your relationship with them, others might symbolize other experiences or happenings in your life. Here, the experts break down all the reasons why you might be dreaming about an ex. Hopefully, you’ll return to dreams free of your former flame in no time.
You’re still processing your breakup
There are lots of emotions attached to breakups: sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, and relief, to name a few. If an ex popped up in your dreams last night, it might mean that you recently split and you’re still working through all of these complicated feelings.
“Dreams are generally influenced by stress... so as long as you’re still heartbroken over your ex, you’ll probably still be dreaming about them,” Dr. Kerwin explains. “One way the brain processes grief is through dreams.”
“Even if you’re not grief-stricken, you could still be dreaming about your ex if you’ve just recently broken up, as chances are you’ll be thinking about, and processing, the breakup often during your waking hours — even subconsciously,” she adds.
You have unresolved feelings
Even if you broke up weeks or months ago, there’s a chance that you’re still hung up on how things ended. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you still love your ex or have feelings for them, but it could indicate that you haven’t fully moved on from the breakup and are still holding onto feelings of anger or resentment, Dr. Kerwin says.
If you’ve just started dating or hanging out with someone new, but still find your ex invading your dreams, this could be a sign that you haven’t completely moved on from them and aren’t fully present in your new romance. “If you jumped into a new relationship after recently breaking up with your ex, you may not yet be completely ‘over’ them and may need some time to heal and process before continuing your new romance.” Dr. Kerwin adds.
You’re looking for love
Dreaming of your ex might mean that you’re longing for romance, Dr. Kerwin says. That doesn’t necessarily mean that you want to reignite your flame with your ex, but rather, they symbolize the intimate connection you crave. It might feel confusing if you’ve started crushing on someone else and your ex keeps popping up in your sleep, but it’s actually not weird at all.
“You could be pining for someone else in real life and this feeling of ‘longing’ is showing up again in your dreams, even if the target of your longing is different,” Dr. Kerwin explains. “Usually, emotions in our waking life will manifest themselves in our dreams.”
You recently saw them IRL or on social media
The reason why you’re dreaming about your ex may not be that deep. It could just be because you two ran into each other after school, you listened to a song that you both loved, or they popped up while scrolling IG or TikTok.
“A dream about your ex is not necessarily always meaningful or symbolic,” Dr. Kerwin explains. “You might have just scrolled through their name on social media a few days ago, and your brain caught onto that little detail, and now your ex is reappearing in your dream.”
You do miss them
It’s true — dreaming about an ex might mean that you miss them, especially if the breakup just happened. “Research shows that real-life experiences can show up in dreams between one to seven days later,” Dr. Kerwin explains. It’s totally normal to miss someone you shared intimate moments with and spent a lot of time with. Getting over someone takes time, and that’s okay.
You’re crushing or just started dating someone new
There’s a chance that your current partner reminds you of your former flame. “Some elements of your new relationship [could be] similar to elements of your past relationship,” Dr. Kerwin explains. “This new relationship might be making you think of your old one. Perhaps your new partner shares certain characteristics with your ex, or maybe your dating pattern is similar.” As you make new memories with your S.O. and grow a stronger bond, you’ll probably find that your ex fades away from your dreams.
Leah Campano is an Associate Editor at Seventeen, where she covers pop culture, entertainment news, health, and politics. On the weekends, you can probably find her watching marathons of vintage Real Housewives episodes or searching for New York City’s best almond croissants.
